Book Review: Little Star by Anthony DeStefano

We've had a gold bow at the top of our tree for, oh...how long have I been married? 11 years? So that's how long I've had that tree topper. It's pretty - the bow at the top and then long ribbons that trail down the tree. Last year I started thinking we needed something new but that's about as far as I got. This year I will be getting something new for our tree - a star. And it's all because of a sweet book I read - Little Star by Anthony DeStefano.

Everyone feels insignificant, unimportant, and incapable of achieving greatness at some point in their lives. Well, at least I know that I have...many times. Many must have thought the same thing about the Baby Jesus when he was born. Everyone was expecting a king, victor and deliverer. Instead, they got a delivery...of a tiny baby...in a stable. For all we know, Jesus may have felt all of those things growing up. Even if He knew He was meant for greatness, He may have wondered how he, a regular boy just like his friends in most ways, would ever achieve anything.

Little Star felt the same way. No one thought he was capable of accomplishing anything. He was tinier than any of the other stars. When they heard that a King was coming all of the stars began competing to shine the brightest to celebrate his birth. But when they saw the king, where he was born and who his family was, they felt they had been duped.

But Little Star does see the greatness in this baby King. And Little Star searches to find how he can serve this great person who has just come into the world. We learn that even the smallest and most insignificant of us can achieve amazing things as long as we are serving God...just like Baby Jesus did!

So this Advent, I am going to get a star for the top of my tree and as I gaze upon it, I will ask God what His plan is for me. This way, despite my inadequacy, I can achieve greatness for His kingdom.

Pick up Little Star by Anthony DeStefano today. The illustrations are beautiful and the story is adorable. My own children loved it and then I read it to my Pre-K class at school during Sun, Moon and Stars week and they loved it as well. In fact, the minute I finished reading it, they begged me to read it again! It will be a great addition to your Advent/Christmas collection!

A Review: Graced and Gifted by Kimberly Hahn

The latest book I am reviewing for the The Catholic Company product reviewer program is Graced and Gifted - Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker's Heart by Kimberly Hahn. It is a book that can be read on its own or used as a Bible study with a group or alone. I honestly have to say that I did not want to choose this book when I was given the list of available books to review. There were a few others that really peaked my interest. And then when I saw that this book was based on the Proverbs 31 woman and actually read about the magnificent woman in Proverbs 31, I had an even harder time deciding on this book! I knew I could never live up to this woman - no matter how great a writer Kimberly Hahn is...and she's good - Life Giving Love is one of the most amazing books I've ever read! But I decided to go with this book mostly because it fits in so well with my blog, the topics I write about and my calling to reach out to other married women with children. As usual though, the Lord knows what I need before I do - and I'm so glad or I would have missed out on a great book! He knew that this book would not only fit well into my blog, but that it would fit well into my life and into the way He's been working in my life lately.

You see, lately, every where I turn, I'm reminded of the fact that being a wife and a mother is my calling...my vocation...my path to holiness and the sweet reward of Heaven. It is what God is calling me to do right now. I used to always really struggle with what God's will for me was until I read a book of Mother Angelica's sayings and teachings. She says that God's will for you is whatever you are doing at the time (wrote about it here). She says,

"What is God's Will for me?" Somebody asked me that not too long ago. Honey, if it's happening, it's God's Will; and you have to correspond to it in the Present Moment.

I am lucky as a wife and mother. I cannot question what God's will for me is...it's to be a wife to my husband and a mother to my children. It is to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, wipe tears, deal with tantrums, and throw dinosaur birthday parties. It is to be a helpmate, friend and lover to my husband. I am a cleaner of the house, a cook, a nurse, and a taxi driver. All of these things are what I am called to do and Kimberly Hahn's book has really helped to drive home this idea that the Lord has been drilling into my head and adds depth to many of the tasks that I do each day.

Hahn covers many different topics such as clothing the family, cooking for the family, organizing and decluttering the home, and growing a garden. She gives such wonderful ideas, information, and resources about so many different things. Each chapter contains references to helpful books and websites. And then, every couple of chapters, the topic is related to a sacrament making it real to the reader just how important what we do is not only for our families but for our vocation as homemakers. For example, the chapters on feeding the family are related to the Eucharist. Just as we provide food for our families,

"God provides food that is needful. In the Old Tesatment there are three examples of God's provision of food for his people"

.

"The sacrifice of the Mass is our covenant meal, renewing our covenant with God in thanksgiving for all he has done for us".

I keep thinking about what our pastor said in his homily last week. He said that when we do not do what God is asking of us, it leaves the Kingdom of God lacking in some way. That was just huge to me. It's not just me that is affected, or my children or family, but the entire Kingdom of God! As he was saying this, I started thinking about this book and how this is what it has been telling me as I've been reading this. The way I parent my children, run my household, and minister to my husband affects the entire Kingdom of God. What a huge responsibility. I'm so glad to have the help of the wonderful women in my life - mother, mother in law, friends - as well as the guidance of my church and my faith and the Bible. I'm so glad to have read this wonderful book and plan to keep it close by to refer to the resources that have been provided. I'm even thinking that one of these days I'd like to do a book study with a group of women using this book. I would recommend any young wife/mother pick up Graced and Gifted and tap into the wisdom it provides. It will give you a great perspective on the life that God is calling you to live!

This review was written as part of the Catholic book Reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Graced and Gifted - Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker's Heart.

Specific to the BlogHer guidelines, I received this product free to review. It's value is less than $40.

I Promised A Story!

Here goes!!

For the past two years my husband has worked for a company called Catholic Home Loan which is owned by a man from our parish. They hire mostly young people coming straight out of college from University of Dallas - a Catholic university. This job was a total answer to prayer. I was pregnant. Doug was working as a home inspector and hardly making any money at all. We had private health insurance which doesn't cover maternity and we were looking at about $20,000 for a c-section that I would have to have due to the fact that I am apparently not built correctly for having babies! I can make em' just fine - just can't get them out. Another story for another time! Anyway, we were freaking out to say the least. Doug got an interview with this company and despite the fact that none of us (except his mom) could see Doug doing this type of work, and despite the fact that he had interviewed with this same company, same owner, two years prior, he got the job! The benefits would cover the pregnancy and actually, it was the cheapest one yet! The people that he worked for and with were amazing. A bunch of really nice, Catholic and striving to be holy people. We've made some amazing friends and relationships through his job there.

Needless to say, the past several months have been a little stressful as Doug has seen his amount of loans dwindle. Loan programs have changed or canceled. His paycheck got smaller and smaller (he worked on part commission). We knew something was going to have to change - somehow. So, one night about 3 weeks ago as I lay in bed feeling very stressed about finances, I went straight to Mary and St. Joseph. I told them that the way I had always heard the story, they weren't exactly rolling in the dough themselves. Surely they could relate somewhat to how we were feeling. At least they could empathize with not knowing what the future held...like when they were fleeing to Egypt because an angel told them to? Stress? Just a little bit? I asked them to go to their son and plead our case. Then I went to sleep.

A day or two later, Doug comes home and tells me that he got an interesting email from his cousin who recently bought a Re-Bath franchise - they install custom tub liners. We already knew that this was a possibility. As soon as we had heard that his cousin, Ken, was buying this company I felt sure that Doug should look into working there. For some reason it felt right. Anyway, Ken was wondering about how much Doug was making and if there was a possibility he was looking to make a change - YES! I immediately knew that this was a direct answer to my prayer.

Fast forward to last Tuesday when I called Doug to tell him that I was taking Me Too home from school early because she was sick. He told me that he was going to meet with Ken that afternoon. This was after they had already spoken for about an hour on the phone. He was already feeling good about the opportunity. One big downfall was the fact that there would be no benefits. Another was that Doug and I both felt so loyal to his current company who had been so incredibly good to us. They gave us so much support when babies were born. One of the owners helped Doug buy a car at an auction for way less than he would have paid anywhere else. Heck, his coworkers came and babysit all 3 of our kids a few weekends ago so that we could have a getaway! It was going to be hard for Doug to leave, especially with things not going so great already. So, I got on the phone to ask everyone to pray. I had just finished asking my dad to pray that we would have a clear path and know just which way to go in our decision. I hung up the phone and it rung...IMMEDIATELY. You know how sometimes the phone doesn't disconnect all the way and it rings right back? That's what I thought had happened...that is how fast it was. I answered and it was Doug. He said, "Well, you'd better call around and get prayers about this afternoon...I just got laid off".

Presto! Prayer answered! Decision made!

He met with his cousin that afternoon as planned - just with a little less leverage now that he wasn't being hired away from another job! The details took a few days to work out but it is all finalized now and he is the new installation manager for Re-Bath of DFW! His job will be to go out to the job sites and make sure that everything is being done properly and that the customers are happy. He is being paid a good salary - more than his other job - and with the promise of bonuses! Furthermore, it is a flexible job and he is working with family!

There is still the issue of benefits. We can get a policy but the possibility of becoming pregnant without maternity coverage still looms large. But you know what? I'm not worried about it. I've had lots of prayers answered in my life...but never like this. Never so immediately, so clearly and so directly. I always heard people with stories like this but had never had it happen to me and didn't think it ever would. So, how can I doubt that God will have us covered if we were to become pregnant. Especially when we are doing His will by following the church's teaching and practicing NFP.

So...there it is. Doug is taking off the rest of the month. His cousin is in no hurry for him to start and it is a great opportunity to have some really good family time, get stuff done and just relax and goof off. It is exciting, it is scary and it is fun to have a change! God is so GOOD!!

A Very Veggie Lesson

On Monday Big Bear and I got to go and have a special day alone together. I was supposed to do the same on Tuesday with Me Too but Campo was sick and so we postponed it. After much careful consideration of what to do with Big Bear (there was a list a mile long to choose from!), I decided to take her to her first movie in a movie theater! We headed off to see Veggie Tales: Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

Now, Big Bear does not have the best history with movies. The first movie I ever showed her at home was Finding Nemo. Having not seen it in a few years, I didn't realize that one of the very first scenes is a huge scary shark eating Nemo's mom and family. Not a great first movie experience. She immediately wanted it off and has never wanted anything to do with Nemo again. The mere sight of a clown fish can cause her to start trembling. Okay...not that bad but she really does still remember her Nemo experience and tells me often that she never wants to watch that movie again. Furthermore, she is still leery of anything called a movie. Movies have somewhat redeemed themselves upon the viewing of a beloved Little Bear movie, Cinderella and now her favorite, Land Before Time movies. Still, I was careful not to tell her we were going to a movie for fear of her associating her negative movie experience with this new one we were about to have. She was a little nervous at first. Popcorn helped a lot! Once the lights went down and the previews started, she tensed. I asked her several times if she wanted to sit in my lap but she was trying to brave it out. Finally, about halfway through the previews, she leaned over and whispered that she would like to go outside. So at that point I reached over and pulled her onto my lap. She was still tense but stayed and once the familiar Veggie Tales came on and she got into the story line she was fine and ended up having a great experience. Afterwards we had pizza and rode the carousel that they have at this particular mall! It was a great day!

The movie was pretty good...Veggie Tales are not my favorite in the kid's movie genre. Since it was a mainstream movie, it did not make mention of God or Christianity like the home videos do but it had a great message that could definitely be into a Christian one. The story is about 3 guys (well, vegetables actually) who work as waiters in a dinner theater restaurant and are seen by those around them as somewhat worthless because the way they are living their lives are somewhat worthless. One is lazy, one is afraid of everything and one just doesn't try hard to be much of anything to anyone around him. The trio is called upon to go back in time and fight a pirate who has kidnapped a prince and princess. They are helped along the way by an invention of the King's which provides them with the tools that they need in each particular circumstance. After saving the prince and princess and being seen as heroes by the King, the hero veggies tell the King that they don't understand why he chose them in the first place seeing as how there was nothing special about them and others saw them as less than worthy of such responsibility. He points out to them that he chose them for a reason and reminds them that he helped them and gave them what they needed - whether it be knowledge, material tools to use, or inspiration -at each stage in their journey.

Isn't this just what our Father in Heaven does for us? I've always loved the saying, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called". When I think about being the mother of 3 children, a newborn, a very stubborn and independent 2 year old, and a 4 year old newly diagnosed with a tree nut allergy - all things I find very challenging in and of themselves - I start to freak out. Throw in a husband, household, part time job, etc in there and whoa baby! Straight jacket city! I can't believe that God trusts me with these little people, these relationships, these responsibilities. But, if I just turn to Him, trust in Him and ask Him to, He'll equip me. He'll give me the knowledge, tools and inspiration I need to keep going each day! Isn't that exciting? Isn't it comforting? I think so! I'm so glad the Veggie Tales reminded me of this!

Third Time's A Charm...Right?

Not for me. I'm the world's worst newborn mommy. My babies are fussy, irritable, and awake all of the time. They require their parents to do cartwheels and circus tricks soothe them and even greater tricks to get them to sleep and that usually only lasts about 45 minutes at the most. And sleeping at night? Forget about it.

I thought Campo was going to break the mold. For the first 3 weeks he's been so sleepy, quiet and easy to soothe. Not anymore...apparently won't be my easy one. Or he will be but just in comparison to my other two...not in comparison to a truly easy baby. He's been showing signs of reflux which my other two had. Me Too had it the worst, poor baby. She suffered for a while too before we realized that the medicine we had her on wasn't working and put her on stronger medicine that worked like a charm. The doctor gave us some samples this time to have on hand in case we needed to start them before we could get a prescription. So, we started them yesterday. They take a few days to kick in. Hopefully they will work and I'll be able to make it that long! He also seems to have suddenly gotten a case of day/night confusion. I remember my other two starting out this way from the very start...not working their way up to it so I'm hoping it's related to the reflux and will clear up with the medicine. Anyway, I got very little sleep last night and am running on fumes right now. He's been sleeping all morning (much to my chagrin) and I'm just praying that I get a nap somehow this afternoon. It's not going to be pretty if I don't!

Before the baby came, I wrote about how in the past I haven't handled the newborn period very well and how I really want to do better this time. I also wrote yesterday about how I have been bombarded by messages from the Lord to seek Him and how I wanted to be more childlike in my pursuit of Him. I have been...and it's helping a lot today. I keep being tempted to freak out and worry obsessively about what the next few weeks will be like with a newborn up all hours of the night and two kids to take care of during the day. But...I keep getting all of these reassuring thoughts and reading blog posts that were written just for me. I've had a very peaceful and calm spirit today. Here are a few things that I've been thinking about or reading and I'm writing them out here as a reference guide to help me remember them...not to imply in any way that I do these things all of the time! I only wish!

*Remembering to live in the present. I learned a lot about this by reading Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons. She has a whole chapter dedicated to how important it is to live in the present.

God's will is manifested to us in the duties and experiences of the Present Moment. We have only to accept them and try to be like Jesus in them.

If I get wrapped up in thinking about what might happen tonight or over the next few nights, or how tired I will be if I don't get a nap, or how beaten I'll be if Campo keeps crying all the time, I'll get really depressed and start lashing out at those around me. If I live in the Present Moment, and serve God by serving Campo and his needs right now then maybe I won't be too overwhelmed.

*Die to self...this is so important as a parent. It's not about me anymore...it's about serving the Lord by serving these kids He has entrusted to my care. If I really am honest with myself I can see that the times that I'm impatient with my kids, annoyed by them or unhappy with my domestic life are usually because I am trying to be all about myself and what I want to do or not do at that time. If I step back and remember that this is my calling from God, my job, my ministry and my honor, I can keep a much better attitude. Amy from Epiphany Springs has a GREAT post about this in which she explains her Theme for the Year which is "I get to"...I get to serve the Lord by staying up all hours of the night to feed this baby He gave me to, among other things, nourish and comfort.

*Trust God more. Jen at Et Tu? has a great series of posts (and here and here) where she is realizing that anxiety in her life is caused by not trusting God enough. She has found that when she turns her anxiety over to Him, He shows her the way to work through it. This is what I've been trying to do all day. When I start to feel anxious, I pray and look at all of the great revelations He's given me today - in one day! A day in which my brain is so muddled...He's cleared it enough to think of all of these great nuggets which I'll be printing out and carrying around in front of my face constantly for when I lose my resolve or forget to do all of these things...and I will.

I'd love to hear stories about how you made it through the hard newborn weeks, and months. I'd also love hear stories about how your babies never slept, cried all the time, and wanted to be held constantly...and how you did indeed make it through alive so I can remember how short this time with him is and how much I'll actually miss him being this small!!

Becoming a Seeker...Updated with Video!

There were days when I was growing up that my brother and sister and I would be particularly needy and I'd hear my mom say that she was tired of hearing "Mommy" over and over again. When I became a parent and my daughter started saying Mommy, I remember thinking that I would NEVER tire of hearing that name called like my mom did.

I'm over it!

I hear it a lot these days. While I'm making breakfast, lunch and dinner..."Mommy"...as soon as I sit down to the computer..."Mommy"...the whole time I'm feeding the baby..."Mommy"...and most fun...while I'm going to the bathroom..."Mommy". Even the rare moments I get to lie down and take a nap usually end in..."Mommy".

Me Too has a particularly funny way of tracking me down. It starts as a sweet little sing song-y call that sounds kind of like...maaahhhmmmmyyy, arrrrrre yooooooo? She doesn't say the word "where" just "are you". When it takes more than a couple of times of singing sweetly and she can't find me, it turns ugly. Mommy...are you? - said very quickly and very demandingly. It's very cute and always makes me laugh.

There are those days when I'm particularly tired or grumpy that I cringe a little at hearing my still relatively new name...title rather, my name is still Stevie although it's hard to remember that sometimes! But for the most part I try to remember what an honor and a blessing it is to be called Mommy. Not everyone gets to be. And it's only natural and normal for my children at this point their life to seek me often. They are still very helpless in many ways and need my help to do a lot of things. But a lot of times they don't even need anything. They just want to find me. They still want my attention and company often - which I should enjoy before they are at the age where they are embarrassed by me and want me to drop them off down the block!

Lately God has been beating me over the head with messages about seeking Him. I wrote the other day about the homily on Jan. 1st and how Fr. J. implored us to seek out what God is doing in our lives each day. I've been doing the prayers on Sacred Space the past few days - great website by the way and a great way to get in a little God time when it's hard to otherwise - like at 5am this morning while I was feeding Campo! It has given me a couple of subtle messages about "seeking" God more. Then the homily today was about the wise men seeking God and how we should be seeking Him in everything, everyday. I started to freak out a little bit thinking that God was really trying to tell me something very important and I was missing it. I was thinking about how I really have been trying to have prayer time (as little as it is) but don't feel like I'm finding anything. I have prayed several times that God would open my eyes and my ears to what He has to show or tell me but I'm not seeing or hearing anything. Then it struck me that every message from God doesn't have to be some big important revelation. And I make trying to find Him a lot harder than it needs to be. I need to be more like my children when they are seeking me - constant, unceasing, loving and maybe even demanding like Me Too when she can't find me - not in a disrespectful way, but a way that implies urgency and importance. I need to try to find Him like my children try to find me - not for any big reason but just to be near Him. I can find Him everywhere if I just look - in my children, my husband, my chores, and my rest.

In the words of my daughter...God...are you? Oh, and excuse the nose picking at the beginning. It was the best outtake besides that so I decided just to go with it!

The Bad and The Good

A fellow mommy blogger left a comment on my recent post about being in the end days of my pregnancy that made me feel that I gave too negative an impression about my views of pregnancy...I didn't mean to if so! This particular pregnancy has been pretty tough but thinking through everything that has happened I realize that all of the tough things I've gone through have been pretty great at the same time. Let's see...

* I spent the first 4 months throwing up every day. The only way to spin this in a positive light is that it kept me from gaining any weight for the first half of my pregnancy and has left me in pretty good shape weight wise. This is especially great as I started out much heavier than I should have been which has probably been the cause of much of my discomfort (back problems mostly) during this pregnancy. Also, I really got a chance to learn a lot about suffering and offering up my suffering.
* At the 20 week ultrasound they said I had a possibility of placenta previa. I was told there was a possibility of modified activity level or bed rest. As much as I tried not to I worried about that for about 2 months until they re-checked me. But at the recheck everything was just fine - the placenta had moved up and I was in the clear. Additionally, this was the ultrasound where I truly and completely fell in love with this baby. His cheeks are so huge and I can't wait to kiss them!!
*My co teacher fell and broke her hip leaving me to run the show. I had a string of different helpers in the classroom leaving it impossible to create any feeling of consistency and the class was a little tough as a result. The upside on this one is a little tough to find though but I know that it was a good experience for me. I learned a lot and feel that one day I will be more prepared to take on a bigger role in teaching a class. Also, the one consistent teacher that we did have every Monday is becoming a good friend. She goes to my church and has signed up to do the Bible study with me on Fridays. I look forward to getting to know her even better!
*I had an incident where I thought I was having pre-eclampsia that scared me. It ended up being nothing more than a migraine.
*Then came the arm incident! I was in a sling for two and half weeks without use of my right arm. What is good about that? Well, it was the excuse that I needed to convince myself to slow down, take it easier and spend more cherished time with my two little daughters who are about to lose a lot of my attention for a few months! It showed me the face of Jesus through my fellow parishioners at church. And I got meals for a few weeks - not bad when you're 8 months pregnant! Cooking is the last thing I ever want to do these days!
*And then there was earlier this week when I was having cramping, contractions and nausea and was sure I was going in to early labor. I spent two frustrating days in the hospital. Frustrating because I was always waiting on one doctor or another to make some decision about my staying or going. If I had ever known what was going on at any given moment, it would have been a nice little break! I mean, I did get to spend two days in bed with all of my meals brought directly to me and no chores to do! There were some minor things that needed to be cleared up - unrelated to the pregnancy itself yet affecting it at the same time. I was not in labor and as has been the case all along, this baby is just fine!

All in all, I'd say God was in control of every situation and made good of it in some way. I love feeling the little one move around inside of me. It's especially fun right now since my stomach looks like a wave pool when he moves. I love how nice people are to pregnant women! I love seeing how excited the girls are about their brother. I love how Me Too thinks the only way she can talk to the baby is to lift up my shirt and talk with her mouth smashed up to my belly button. I love how attracted my dear husband is to me when I'm gigantic (Big Bear pronounces this word - jijantic and continually tells me just how jijantic my stomach is) even though I have no idea how this can be the case! And I love being a part of such a special part of God's plan for this world - bringing this little one into it and raising him to serve God in whatever way He is supposed to one day.

4 Weeks!!!! Ack!

4 weeks from today I'll probably be in the process of moving from recovery to my room in the post partum unit. If it's anything like last time, I'll be begging every medical person I see to bring me my baby because a 2 second flash on the way to the nursery is not enough time to see this little person you've been dying to see for so long! They took way too long getting Me Too to my room when I had her so I'm hoping that this experience will go a little differently. Of course, having just spent 2 days in the hospital earlier this week with some minor little complications, I am not expecting anything to happen too quickly. Hospitals are definitely not "on demand" type of places!

While we will remain open to life if God should so choose to bless us again, I know that my husband and I, at this point, are feeling like our family is complete. This could change of course but it is leaving me with the feeling that I need to cherish every moment of this last month of pregnancy...but in reality, I am not. I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in during the short bathroom breaks that I have throughout the night. I can't find a comfortable position to sit in at meals or the computer or the couch! I'm so completely mentally and physically exhausted all of the time. I walk slower than my coworker who is 69 and just returned from breaking her hip. In fact, last weekend husband and I went Christmas shopping and he commented that it is actually painful for him to walk as slow as I do! Then there are the many other little things that are going on in my body that I won't share with the general public but if you've ever been pregnant, you can probably guess what they are! So I have to keep reminding myself over and over how much I'll miss being pregnant - I always do afterwards! I know that I will get baby fever and wonder why I didn't savor every moment of this miraculous time that a woman is given.

The girls and I are off to church for Bible study. We're studying the infancy narratives! Very timely not only on the church calendar but in my life as well. I love having babies at this time of year. It makes me feel so much closer to Mary as I think of her precious bundle and her beautiful witness to all mothers!

Oh yeah...and we're going to be listening to Christmas music on the way to church! Whoo hoo!!

God's Will Revealed

I'm reading two spiritual books right now that keep saying the same thing - rather, they say lots of wonderful things, but I've been picking up on one recurring theme in both books. The books are He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S.J. which I've posted about once here and Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality which I posted about once here. Both books have a very similar message that jumps out at me time after time. Here's one way that Mother Angelica put it:

"What is God's Will for me?" Somebody asked me that not too long ago. Honey, if it's happening, it's God's Will; and you have to correspond to it in the Present Moment.

And Fr. Ciszek says:

His will for us was the twenty-four hours of each day: the people, the places, the circumstances, he set before us in that time.

That is just one example from each book - there were many to choose from. With that message coming across to me over and over...well, it's been making me nervous. I've known that the Lord has been preparing me for something I just wasn't sure what. I had my guesses - something to do with my pregnancy and my husbands' job (he's in the mortgage industry, not too stable right now) toping the list. Boy, was I way off base as an unexpected twist occurred in my life yesterday and today. Let me explain...

I work at a local preschool - at a Baptist church no less - yikes! LOL. Actually, there are more families from our church than from the Baptist church and I currently work with 3 other ladies from my church and several other Catholics! I digress. Anyway, I started last school year and worked with a woman who is in her 24th year of teaching there! That means I was 10 years old when she started teaching...at this church anyway. So, needless to say, she's a little set in her ways and knows what she's doing. I'm there mainly to help out by setting out snacks, setting out lunches or packing up backpacks. That kind of stuff. I didn't really get to do any of the planning and certainly not any of the actual teaching but it was really no biggie as it was my first time ever doing anything like this and teaching was completely off my radar as something I would ever do...long story how I got there but totally a God thing. About half way through the year I had started thinking I was ready to branch out and have my own class this year...until I found out I was pregnant and proceeded to be so extremely sick. When I had my end of the year conference with the director, I told her to please leave me where I was so I could take it easy during the last part of my pregnancy.

Right before the summer session started they called and said they were short staffed and really needed me to take a class for the summer. I said I thought I could handle it for a few months and was excited about the opportunity to see what I could do, despite the fact that I was still really sick. I ended up getting a class full of extremely strong wills and a helper didn't quite grasp the concept that even though it was summer, it was still school and there were still things we needed to be teaching these kids like staying on their nap mats during nap time instead of playing which I'd find them all doing if I dared to step out of the room for even a second. So, it was a long, stressful, hot, nauseas summer and I couldn't wait for it to end! Oh yeah, and I would come home every day with horrible back spasms due to the highly physical nature of working with 3 year olds!

Fast forward to yesterday, the first day of school. I could finally take it easy! That lasted until about noon when I went down the hall to get something from the resource room. I came back in to find my co-teacher sitting on the floor with her legs out in front of her. I should have been alarmed at that point as she never sits on the floor but for some reason it didn't hit me. Then the kids all started yelling out, "She fell, she fell. She's hurt." So I rushed over to her and she said that she couldn't move. She called her husband as I ran to get the director. She kept saying that she thought it was just a pulled muscle but something told me right away it was going to be a broken hip...which is what it turned out to be. She's having surgery this afternoon - please pray for her and her husband, surgeons, etc. Pray that her pain be minimized and her recovery as swift as possible. Luckily she's in great physical shape and health. I'm always telling stories about how healthy she eats (she even washes her bananas before she peels them and eats the insides!). Last year she was on the floor doing the crab walk with the kids! I didn't even attempt that.

Please pray for me...that I accept this as God's will for me right now. Please pray that I can handle the physical pain and offer it up without complaint. I will think constantly of Fr. Ciszek working from morning to night in a Siberian labor camp for 15 years and know that I can handle working a few hours a day for a few more months until the baby comes! And please pray that I can handle the class and the planning without getting too stressed out.

So, I know that this circumstance, which is not how I would choose to have things go, is God's will for me right now. I can't say that I understand why but understanding the why is not always our job. Our job is to accept the challenges that God puts before us, to offer up the suffering he gives us, and to do our best each and every day to honor and obey Him. Sounds great - huh? Easy to type in a blog...hard to do in real life!

He Leadeth Me - Fr. Walter Ciszek

I have gotten the chance to read a lot lately. One of the books I'm in the process of reading is He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Ciszek a Jesuit priest who spent 20+ years as a prisoner in Russia. This book was recommended to me by one of my favorite bloggers, Jen at Et Tu?. She has a great post here that explains the book beautifully.

This book is so deep and meaningful. I am only on chapter 6 but that is because I have to think about and process each chapter for a while after I read it. This would actually be a great book to use for a prayer group or book club.

For example, last night I read about the time he spent in Lubianka Prison - known among prisoners as the place where men were broken, body and spirit. The prisoners were in cells by themselves 24/7 except for the 2 minutes they got to go to the bathroom and empty the buckets they used as toilets and the 20 minutes of exercise time they got if it was nice outside. Oh yeah, and then there were the times you got to go and meet with the interrogators...the next chapter goes into more detail about these horrific sessions. Other than that, it was almost total silence except for when a guard would slip you the tiny ration of food you got each day. Fr. Ciszek talks about how much he learned about prayer during this time. It was almost all he had to do to fill the time and keep himself from going crazy. He learned to:

"purify my prayer and remove from it the elements of self-seeking"

I don't know about you, but if I'm stuck in a room all by myself for hours and days and years on end with no interaction with other humans and barely enough food to keep a bird alive, I just don't think I'd be worried about purifying my prayer! But Fr. Ciszek was and explains so beautifully how to pray during suffering and trials, not for your own needs to be met but for the grace to offer up the sufferings and to endure them. Wow!

Another interesting thing he mentioned was that even with total silence, total lack of stimulation from any outside elements, and all the time in the world on his hands, his mind would still be distracted from prayer. At first I thought, well at least it isn't just me but then I realized that despite the fact that he was distracted by hunger pains, anxiety about his future, not knowing if he would ever get to leave this hell he was in, he figured out a way to subsist on prayer. I have none of these very real problems facing me - only self imposed distractions that keep me from prayer time with the Lord.

I hope to share more from this book. Like I said, each chapter is a new lesson...about prayer, God's will, how to handle suffering. It goes on and on. I got it from the library but am realizing that I'm going to have to shell out the bucks to buy this book because I can tell I will go back to it again and again as sort of a handbook or textbook.

I was happy to see upon Googling Fr. Ciszek that he is up for canonization. He is in the very early stages but you'd better believe that this inspiring man is going to become one of my intercessors!

Absolute Freedom

This is something I read in my wonderful new book which was a birthday present from my mom. It is Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality. It is a compilation of teachings by Mother Angelica and it is fabulous. I recommend it to everyone! I read this particular section to my women's prayer group this past weekend and it really fit our discussion of the morning. I just thought I'd share it here as well.

Absolute Freedom

The thing that confuses us so much is that we are constantly thinking about ourselves: What am I going to do for the world? What am I going to do for my neighbor? You've got the wrong question.

The question is: What is God going to do through you? That's the question. How much are you going to let Him do? When you begin to ask the right questions you will get the right answers. You are nothing; and until you come to that realization, you will stumble and crawl through all of life. There is absolute freedom in the thought that you are nothing. Only then are you free to be used by God for His ends, the ends for which you have been created.

I love this! I always stress out about not doing enough. I spend many hours worrying about what it is I'm "supposed" to be doing. This does give me absolute freedom - freedom from stressing about this. Now I just tell God everyday to do whatever He wants to through me and just let Him take it from there! It is wonderful.

Expect to hear more from me about this book. It is amazing!