What Is Your Calcutta?

How important can our one small, unspectacular life be? Consider this: the good that each of us can accomplish, even with limited resources and restricted reach, not even a Mother Teresa could achieve. The family, friends and coworkers whom we alone can touch, with our unique and unrepeatable mix of gifts and qualities, not even Mother Teresa could reach. No one else on the planet, and no one else in history possesses the same network of acquaintances and the same combination of talents and gifts as each of us do.

There is no need, then, to travel to far-off lands to contribute to Mother Teresa’s mission, or to follow her example. Wherever we are, with whatever talents and relationships God has entrusted us, we are each called not to do what a Mother Teresa did, but to do as she did -- to love as she loved in the Calcutta of our own life.

This excerpt from a wonderful post (read the rest here) that really got me to thinking...what is my own Calcutta? Where am I called to be Mother Teresa in my own life?

For now, I think it is my home and my family and possibly even the children and families that I interact with at the school where I teach Pre-K. I am constantly struggling with the feeling that I don't serve enough or do enough. But...when I stop to reflect on and pray about my life and my situation, I realize that I am doing what I am called to do in the way of service right now by raising small children, being a wife and getting children ready to enter kindergarten and begin their school careers. When I stop to really think about it, I am doing a lot of the same the work that Mother Teresa did - caring for the needy, tending to the sick, feeding the hungry. I just need to remember that as I am doing this work, I need to be doing it with the intention of introducing the face of God to those who do not know Him yet through my actions.

Since [the poor of Calcutta]were left with nothing and no one to mirror to them the face of God, Mother Teresa was sent to show them in his name, in concrete works of love, how beloved of God they were.

Well...I don't always do a great job at that face of God part. They definitely did not see the face of God in my face this morning when they were not behaving at an event we were attending. If they did, it was the face of Jesus at the temple while turning over the moneychangers tables!

I saw a beautiful example of someone being Mother Teresa in their own Calcutta over the past few weeks and showing the face of God to everyone around her through it all - my mom! My grandmother was admitted to the hospital 3 weeks ago and in a two week span, things went from bad to worse until she passed away a week ago today. My mom was by her side every minute. She stayed at the hospital with her, comforted my grandfather, and kept the family informed and updated. Even when it wasn't pleasant to watch what my grandmother was going through, and most of the time it was not, my mom was there doing what she could to love and comfort her and my grandpa. One thing that helped all of them was that they prayed the rosary a lot. Even when my grandmother was the very sickest, my mom would pray a decade with her which was about all my grandmother could handle sometimes. My mom was there with Granny while she slipped away from this world into Jesus' arms. Afterward, my mom put aside her own exhaustion and sadness to be with my grandpa and help him make arrangements. She has been by his side every minute - watching him suffer even though she is grieving as well. And since the funeral last Thursday, she has been there helping clean out the house. I know she has to be so tired but she hasn't complained and or stopped thinking of what others need - even having the foresight to get granola bars for everyone to eat in between the funeral and the ride to the cemetery when there wasn't time for lunch. She has reflected God's face at every step of this ordeal - always giving Him glory and depending on Him for her strength.

The importance of Mother Teresa's example, even for those who bear much milder Calcuttas, is in showing how far faith and love can reach in this life -- even in the night, even buffeted by pain, with every wind against it. Her victory in the night is proof that the exercise of faith and love is ultimately our free choice, never beholden to circumstance, a decision accessible at all times.

May we always make the choice, despite our circumstance, to remember that God can give us the chance to help others - to help them through their own pain as well as to help them know the face of God.

In the Wheelbarrow Again!!

Campo went for his 18 month appointment on Thursday. It was one of those appointments where you leave with your head spinning and your stomach feeling sick. I felt that way when I left Me Too's appointment where they said she had to have her adenoids out...turned out to be no big deal but at the time I all I heard was the word SURGERY. And that word scares me.

Let me give a little background before I get to what we were told on Thursday. Campo was sent for his first swallow study when he was 13 weeks old. The reason why is that he had basically been congested for his whole life! Literally! First we suspected reflux and treated that. Reflux got better, congestion didn't. Then it was suspected that he had an allergy to cow's milk and soy...he did and other symptoms improved but the congestion didn't. He also had a lot of trouble with nursing and then taking a bottle. Feeding times were a battle. He'd take a few sips, pull off and cough and cry. Here is what I wrote about how we did feedings back then...

He would start to eat, pull off and scream, choke and cry. Feedings would take forever because we'd have to get him calm, put the paci in and then once he was going on the paci, we'd stick the bottle in his mouth. He'd go for a little bit and then start the whole thing over again. Aggravating! For him and us!

So they sent us over to have this swallow study done and I thought it was all a bunch of baloney! Who had ever heard of such a thing as a problem swallowing. Turns out...there is such a thing and Campo has it! When he drinks, instead of the liquid going straight down, it shoots out to the side and sometimes he even aspirates it (it goes into his lungs). You know when people take a sip of something and start coughing and they say it went down the wrong pipe...that is what happens to him. Every time he takes a sip of something it goes down the wrong pipe. We've been very lucky that he hasn't had any further problems from it like chronic pneumonia. So since he was 13 weeks old we've been thickening all of his liquids. The thickener we use is expensive as well as just being annoying to always have to have anywhere we go and to make sure other people who are taking care of him understand how to do it and the importance of doing it. Then when he started drinking out of sippy cups it became a whole new issue of finding a cup that didn't have too fast of a flow and once we did, making sure we always have a cup with us wherever we go. He can't just pick up a juice box and have a sip. We've gotten adjusted and used to having to do this. However, we kept being told he's most likely outgrow it. But this last time we had a swallow study the doctor walked in and said, "Oh wow - this is a big one. We're not used to such big ones in here". My reaction of course was to worry - is there something wrong? Then a couple of friends and family members asked how long he was expected to be doing this...I wasn't sure. So I started to wonder if there was more we should be doing, someone else we should be seeing about this, therapy, etc? So my main objective going into the 18 month appointment was to get answers to these questions.

Our beloved pediatrician, Dr. Durso, who we have seen since Big Bear was 2 weeks old had left the practice to work at Medical City Hospital where I have had all 3 of my kids and where we've been for RSV, swallow studies, Upper GI's, and even ear tubes. The nurse practitioner we see had told me that Dr. Durso would be filling in that day so I made sure that Campo got in for his appointment to be able to see her. She walked in and the first thing she said was that she had seen his name come up a few months ago for a swallow study and began asking me about what was going on. She also was surprised that he was still having to thicken his drinks and felt that he should have outgrown it. After discussing what all had been going on, she recommended that he have an MRI to rule out something called Arnold-Chiari Malformation. Arnold-Chiari malformation is a rare genetic disorder in which parts of the brain are formed abnormally. Malformations may occur in the lower portion of the brain (cerebellum) or in the brain stem. If he does have it, chances are he'll have to have surgery on his skull. There's that word again...SURGERY. And this time...on my baby's SKULL!!!

The MRI is scheduled for Friday the 24th. He has to be put under for it and I'm not crazy about this either. So that is where we are right now - playing the waiting game. I am always commenting about how fast life goes these days. It seems like we move at lightening speed and I'm always wondering where the time went. But right now it feels like time is standing still. Everything has just stopped. I'm at a crossroads. One path leads to everything being just fine (besides probably having to take Campo to therapy sessions to strengthen the muscles) and the other leads to everything being really scary! But I have to wait to see what path we'll be heading down. I have to wait until next Friday for the MRI, then wait for the doctor to call with the results of the MRI...if he has this strange thing we'll probably have to wait even longer to get to see a specialist, then wait to see what they say...it goes on and on. And in the meantime, I am stressed and worried but trying not to be until there is something definite to be stressed and worried about!

I know we are supposed to be still and know that God is God and that He is in control. That sounds great to say...it is VERY hard to do in a situation like this. But I'm trying, I really am. The past several months in my prayer time I've been getting the message over and over to be still, to rest in God...I think it has been preparation for this. I would appreciate your prayers that I can accomplish this. I would also appreciate anyone who knows anything about Arnold-Chiari Malformation (some call it syndrome?) sharing your knowledge with me!

In the meantime, we're back in the wheelbarrow again! Sure hoping for a short ride!!

Does God Care About My Weight Loss?

I took a big step last week and rejoined Weight Watchers. About 9 years ago I joined the first time, lost 40lbs, reached lifetime membership and went to work for them first as a receptionist (weigher), then as a leader and then in the main office of the Dallas/East Texas franchise which has since been sold back to Weight Watchers International (wrote a little about it in one of my other attempts to lose here). I left after a bad situation there kept getting worse and worse. Since I was given severance, I respected the owner's request not to speak to anyone after I left and just sort of disappeared. So going back after all these years with many, many pounds put back on since the last time anyone there saw me wasn't exactly an exciting idea to me. I've put it off for way too long and finally decided that I didn't really care what anyone there thought of me...I just want this weight off! Part of that clarity came after a real honest prayer time. I was journaling and I asked God in my journal plain and simply to help me lose weight. I told Him that I was giving Him all of it...my constant feeling of self consciousness, my lack of self control, my bad feeling about myself...all of it. After I wrote it, I immediately thought to myself, "That's silly, God has too much other stuff than to care if I lose weight or not". Now don't get me wrong, I know God loves me and cares about me. I just wasn't sure if He was interested in getting down to that kind of a level. The journal I write in has a verse on every page. I looked down at the verse on the page where I was writing and it was

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22

I knew that He was telling me that He would take it from me, that He did care about even something as small (to Him anyway) as my weight struggle, and that He would give me the strength to do it.

This message was confirmed when I walked into the meeting last Wednesday. I had been so nervous all day. I looked up the name of the leader there and knew that it was someone who I was not familiar with but wasn't sure who the receptionist weighers would be that night. But even more than just who I would see, I was nervous because I had that last chance feeling...like this better work or I'd be going off the deep end as far as my weight is concerned. I immediately felt comfortable when I walked in. The old smell, the old look...it was just nice. I didn't know the receptionists but then the leader walked in and I knew her but I was confused because it wasn't who the website showed as the leader. Nevertheless, she is a really nice lady and any nerves or anxiety left at that point. I didn't get to talk to her before the meeting but afterward I went up for the new member meeting and introduced myself. She was so excited to see me and told me the most amazing thing. My name had some up in two conversations she had recently had...one being that very day! Can you imagine? Someone I haven't seen in 6 years and my name comes up the very day that I waltz into her meeting...and she was subbing at that meeting that night! That isn't even her normal meeting. I felt so blessed that the Lord had paved a smooth road for me to return and feel so welcome. I knew right then that He truly does care about every part of our lives and want the very best for us.

I went to my second meeting last night and was down 3.4lbs! Happy day! I'm on my way to my goal and I know I'll reach it this time!

If you have something you are struggling with please know that it is not too small for God to care about. Give it to him. Ask him directly to help you with it. If it is within His will for you, he will grant you his graces and mercy to help you with it.

40 Years!!!

My parents are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary today! Amazing, isn't it? I'm not even 40 years old. My husband and I will be celebrating 10 years in October...we've got a ways to go to get to 40! But he and I are so lucky to have two sets of parents who have made it to the 40 year mark - so rare these days. What a great example for us and our children to look to and follow. I know in my parents case (and I'm sure my inlaws too, I just wasn't around them much until about 13 years ago!) there were some tough times...in their lives and their marriage. But through it all, they depended on their faith to see them through and here they are being blessed to celebrate this occasion. And I believe they are being rewarded for their faithful lives so far. My dad has a job that is fulfilling to him in many ways. My mom has a beautiful home that she loves to paint, stencil, repaint and paint some more! They are able to enjoy their adult children in a new way and, of course, they are in love with their 5 beautiful grandchildren! And, best of all for my brother, sister and I, they have such servant hearts and pour that all into us and our kids. I know that I am so blessed (and a bit spoiled) to have such loving, caring (not to mention FREE) babysitting almost any time I need it! My mom takes up my skinny girls' pants when they're too big - I have no idea how to even do it! Anyway, it is such a great testament to me to see an example of sticking with a commitment, even when it wasn't easy and how God will bless that and even allow you to come out the other side.

I love you Mom and Dad! Here's to another great 40 years!!

I Promised A Story!

Here goes!!

For the past two years my husband has worked for a company called Catholic Home Loan which is owned by a man from our parish. They hire mostly young people coming straight out of college from University of Dallas - a Catholic university. This job was a total answer to prayer. I was pregnant. Doug was working as a home inspector and hardly making any money at all. We had private health insurance which doesn't cover maternity and we were looking at about $20,000 for a c-section that I would have to have due to the fact that I am apparently not built correctly for having babies! I can make em' just fine - just can't get them out. Another story for another time! Anyway, we were freaking out to say the least. Doug got an interview with this company and despite the fact that none of us (except his mom) could see Doug doing this type of work, and despite the fact that he had interviewed with this same company, same owner, two years prior, he got the job! The benefits would cover the pregnancy and actually, it was the cheapest one yet! The people that he worked for and with were amazing. A bunch of really nice, Catholic and striving to be holy people. We've made some amazing friends and relationships through his job there.

Needless to say, the past several months have been a little stressful as Doug has seen his amount of loans dwindle. Loan programs have changed or canceled. His paycheck got smaller and smaller (he worked on part commission). We knew something was going to have to change - somehow. So, one night about 3 weeks ago as I lay in bed feeling very stressed about finances, I went straight to Mary and St. Joseph. I told them that the way I had always heard the story, they weren't exactly rolling in the dough themselves. Surely they could relate somewhat to how we were feeling. At least they could empathize with not knowing what the future held...like when they were fleeing to Egypt because an angel told them to? Stress? Just a little bit? I asked them to go to their son and plead our case. Then I went to sleep.

A day or two later, Doug comes home and tells me that he got an interesting email from his cousin who recently bought a Re-Bath franchise - they install custom tub liners. We already knew that this was a possibility. As soon as we had heard that his cousin, Ken, was buying this company I felt sure that Doug should look into working there. For some reason it felt right. Anyway, Ken was wondering about how much Doug was making and if there was a possibility he was looking to make a change - YES! I immediately knew that this was a direct answer to my prayer.

Fast forward to last Tuesday when I called Doug to tell him that I was taking Me Too home from school early because she was sick. He told me that he was going to meet with Ken that afternoon. This was after they had already spoken for about an hour on the phone. He was already feeling good about the opportunity. One big downfall was the fact that there would be no benefits. Another was that Doug and I both felt so loyal to his current company who had been so incredibly good to us. They gave us so much support when babies were born. One of the owners helped Doug buy a car at an auction for way less than he would have paid anywhere else. Heck, his coworkers came and babysit all 3 of our kids a few weekends ago so that we could have a getaway! It was going to be hard for Doug to leave, especially with things not going so great already. So, I got on the phone to ask everyone to pray. I had just finished asking my dad to pray that we would have a clear path and know just which way to go in our decision. I hung up the phone and it rung...IMMEDIATELY. You know how sometimes the phone doesn't disconnect all the way and it rings right back? That's what I thought had happened...that is how fast it was. I answered and it was Doug. He said, "Well, you'd better call around and get prayers about this afternoon...I just got laid off".

Presto! Prayer answered! Decision made!

He met with his cousin that afternoon as planned - just with a little less leverage now that he wasn't being hired away from another job! The details took a few days to work out but it is all finalized now and he is the new installation manager for Re-Bath of DFW! His job will be to go out to the job sites and make sure that everything is being done properly and that the customers are happy. He is being paid a good salary - more than his other job - and with the promise of bonuses! Furthermore, it is a flexible job and he is working with family!

There is still the issue of benefits. We can get a policy but the possibility of becoming pregnant without maternity coverage still looms large. But you know what? I'm not worried about it. I've had lots of prayers answered in my life...but never like this. Never so immediately, so clearly and so directly. I always heard people with stories like this but had never had it happen to me and didn't think it ever would. So, how can I doubt that God will have us covered if we were to become pregnant. Especially when we are doing His will by following the church's teaching and practicing NFP.

So...there it is. Doug is taking off the rest of the month. His cousin is in no hurry for him to start and it is a great opportunity to have some really good family time, get stuff done and just relax and goof off. It is exciting, it is scary and it is fun to have a change! God is so GOOD!!

A Very Veggie Lesson

On Monday Big Bear and I got to go and have a special day alone together. I was supposed to do the same on Tuesday with Me Too but Campo was sick and so we postponed it. After much careful consideration of what to do with Big Bear (there was a list a mile long to choose from!), I decided to take her to her first movie in a movie theater! We headed off to see Veggie Tales: Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

Now, Big Bear does not have the best history with movies. The first movie I ever showed her at home was Finding Nemo. Having not seen it in a few years, I didn't realize that one of the very first scenes is a huge scary shark eating Nemo's mom and family. Not a great first movie experience. She immediately wanted it off and has never wanted anything to do with Nemo again. The mere sight of a clown fish can cause her to start trembling. Okay...not that bad but she really does still remember her Nemo experience and tells me often that she never wants to watch that movie again. Furthermore, she is still leery of anything called a movie. Movies have somewhat redeemed themselves upon the viewing of a beloved Little Bear movie, Cinderella and now her favorite, Land Before Time movies. Still, I was careful not to tell her we were going to a movie for fear of her associating her negative movie experience with this new one we were about to have. She was a little nervous at first. Popcorn helped a lot! Once the lights went down and the previews started, she tensed. I asked her several times if she wanted to sit in my lap but she was trying to brave it out. Finally, about halfway through the previews, she leaned over and whispered that she would like to go outside. So at that point I reached over and pulled her onto my lap. She was still tense but stayed and once the familiar Veggie Tales came on and she got into the story line she was fine and ended up having a great experience. Afterwards we had pizza and rode the carousel that they have at this particular mall! It was a great day!

The movie was pretty good...Veggie Tales are not my favorite in the kid's movie genre. Since it was a mainstream movie, it did not make mention of God or Christianity like the home videos do but it had a great message that could definitely be into a Christian one. The story is about 3 guys (well, vegetables actually) who work as waiters in a dinner theater restaurant and are seen by those around them as somewhat worthless because the way they are living their lives are somewhat worthless. One is lazy, one is afraid of everything and one just doesn't try hard to be much of anything to anyone around him. The trio is called upon to go back in time and fight a pirate who has kidnapped a prince and princess. They are helped along the way by an invention of the King's which provides them with the tools that they need in each particular circumstance. After saving the prince and princess and being seen as heroes by the King, the hero veggies tell the King that they don't understand why he chose them in the first place seeing as how there was nothing special about them and others saw them as less than worthy of such responsibility. He points out to them that he chose them for a reason and reminds them that he helped them and gave them what they needed - whether it be knowledge, material tools to use, or inspiration -at each stage in their journey.

Isn't this just what our Father in Heaven does for us? I've always loved the saying, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called". When I think about being the mother of 3 children, a newborn, a very stubborn and independent 2 year old, and a 4 year old newly diagnosed with a tree nut allergy - all things I find very challenging in and of themselves - I start to freak out. Throw in a husband, household, part time job, etc in there and whoa baby! Straight jacket city! I can't believe that God trusts me with these little people, these relationships, these responsibilities. But, if I just turn to Him, trust in Him and ask Him to, He'll equip me. He'll give me the knowledge, tools and inspiration I need to keep going each day! Isn't that exciting? Isn't it comforting? I think so! I'm so glad the Veggie Tales reminded me of this!