Broccoli and Olive Salad

Growing up my grandmother always made the most delicious broccoli and olive salad. Several years ago she announced that she didn't think she made it very well and that liked it better when other people made it. Usually me or my mom end up making it. I volunteered to make it this year.

We've talked a lot about how hard this Thanksgiving will be for my grandfather - his first one without her on more than 65 years - but I don't think I've spent any time thinking about how I am going to feel tomorrow. So I was caught by surprise at how emotional I got making the dressing and veggies for the salad tonight. I was overcome with a feeling of history or legacy (I don't think that's really a feeling but you know what I mean) as I made it. It was such a direct connection to her. I thought about how she made that salad for so many occasions with such love in her heart.

As strange as it sounds, I felt her presence with me as I went through the motions of making that salad. And I suddenly realized how incredibly sad tomorrow will be in many ways. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful family with whom I can share that sadness.

But it won't be all sad - we will be thankful for her life and celebrate the legacy that she left behind. More than just recipes - love and family and faith.

What Is Your Calcutta?

How important can our one small, unspectacular life be? Consider this: the good that each of us can accomplish, even with limited resources and restricted reach, not even a Mother Teresa could achieve. The family, friends and coworkers whom we alone can touch, with our unique and unrepeatable mix of gifts and qualities, not even Mother Teresa could reach. No one else on the planet, and no one else in history possesses the same network of acquaintances and the same combination of talents and gifts as each of us do.

There is no need, then, to travel to far-off lands to contribute to Mother Teresa’s mission, or to follow her example. Wherever we are, with whatever talents and relationships God has entrusted us, we are each called not to do what a Mother Teresa did, but to do as she did -- to love as she loved in the Calcutta of our own life.

This excerpt from a wonderful post (read the rest here) that really got me to thinking...what is my own Calcutta? Where am I called to be Mother Teresa in my own life?

For now, I think it is my home and my family and possibly even the children and families that I interact with at the school where I teach Pre-K. I am constantly struggling with the feeling that I don't serve enough or do enough. But...when I stop to reflect on and pray about my life and my situation, I realize that I am doing what I am called to do in the way of service right now by raising small children, being a wife and getting children ready to enter kindergarten and begin their school careers. When I stop to really think about it, I am doing a lot of the same the work that Mother Teresa did - caring for the needy, tending to the sick, feeding the hungry. I just need to remember that as I am doing this work, I need to be doing it with the intention of introducing the face of God to those who do not know Him yet through my actions.

Since [the poor of Calcutta]were left with nothing and no one to mirror to them the face of God, Mother Teresa was sent to show them in his name, in concrete works of love, how beloved of God they were.

Well...I don't always do a great job at that face of God part. They definitely did not see the face of God in my face this morning when they were not behaving at an event we were attending. If they did, it was the face of Jesus at the temple while turning over the moneychangers tables!

I saw a beautiful example of someone being Mother Teresa in their own Calcutta over the past few weeks and showing the face of God to everyone around her through it all - my mom! My grandmother was admitted to the hospital 3 weeks ago and in a two week span, things went from bad to worse until she passed away a week ago today. My mom was by her side every minute. She stayed at the hospital with her, comforted my grandfather, and kept the family informed and updated. Even when it wasn't pleasant to watch what my grandmother was going through, and most of the time it was not, my mom was there doing what she could to love and comfort her and my grandpa. One thing that helped all of them was that they prayed the rosary a lot. Even when my grandmother was the very sickest, my mom would pray a decade with her which was about all my grandmother could handle sometimes. My mom was there with Granny while she slipped away from this world into Jesus' arms. Afterward, my mom put aside her own exhaustion and sadness to be with my grandpa and help him make arrangements. She has been by his side every minute - watching him suffer even though she is grieving as well. And since the funeral last Thursday, she has been there helping clean out the house. I know she has to be so tired but she hasn't complained and or stopped thinking of what others need - even having the foresight to get granola bars for everyone to eat in between the funeral and the ride to the cemetery when there wasn't time for lunch. She has reflected God's face at every step of this ordeal - always giving Him glory and depending on Him for her strength.

The importance of Mother Teresa's example, even for those who bear much milder Calcuttas, is in showing how far faith and love can reach in this life -- even in the night, even buffeted by pain, with every wind against it. Her victory in the night is proof that the exercise of faith and love is ultimately our free choice, never beholden to circumstance, a decision accessible at all times.

May we always make the choice, despite our circumstance, to remember that God can give us the chance to help others - to help them through their own pain as well as to help them know the face of God.

My Granny Is Gone

It's been a hard couple of weeks for my family. About two weeks ago, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital to have antibiotics administered for a colon infection. She was supposed to be there about 24 hours and then go home to take more heavy duty antibiotics.

She never made it home.

The first night she was there she had an "episode", for lack of a better term, where she couldn't breathe and was placed on a breathing tube in ICU. They kept her sedated for several days to let her body recover. Once they woke her back up, they did tests and found a huge mass in her colon and confirmed that she had something wrong with a valve in her heart. So she continued to have "episodes" where she couldn't breathe and the nurses would rush in to revive her. The doctors told us one thing one day and another thing the next day - or sometimes even the next hour. My uncle called it a slow roller coaster ride. One minute we all had hope that they might be able to do a procedure that might help, the next minute we were all down and not knowing what would happen.

This past Sunday, the 29th, I got home from Mass and felt an overwhelming feeling that I needed to go to the hospital and see her - and I felt it would be the last chance. So I spent the afternoon there. I only saw her once that day but got to tell her I loved her. I'm so glad I went because while I was spending very special time with aunts, uncles and cousins in the waiting room they came to tell us that her kidneys were shutting down and that while they could do any number of procedures on her, none of them would ultimately help too much. She decided that she wanted no more of the medical stuff. She was at peace with the Lord, had gone to confession and had anointing of the sick earlier in the week and was just not up to the fight anymore. The decision was made to let her go.

None of us were sure how long it would take but felt like she would make it through that night. She had been awake and alert all day - even cracking jokes!

We all left about 7pm that evening and about 8:30 I got a call that she was gone. She had made her decision and stuck to it by golly!

I can't believe she's gone. I'm happy for her. She has a daughter and many family members in Heaven and I'm so happy she's there with all of them. But I just HATE that she is not here anymore. I HATE, HATE, HATE it. I'm definitely in the anger stage of grieving right now. My granny was the sweetest and most amazing lady. Here are some of the thoughts I've had about her in the past few days...

- She was one of two people who call me Steph. Some of my family still calls me Stephanie, most people call me Stevie but only Granny and my brother call me Steph

- Her laugh was one of the most amazing things about her. Everyone has commented on her laugh. It came so easily and it was so genuine.

- She loved hearing about what was going on with me and my siblings as well as with my kids. My mom always mentions in passing that she talked to Granny and was telling her about whatever was going on with us.

- I remember when Doug and I started to try to get pregnant. On Mother's Day we went to have Mass at my Granny and Grandpa's church and they asked all of the mothers to stand up. I wished so badly that I could stand up with my mom and grandmother but I was having what I thought were physical signs that I wasn't pregnant. A couple of weeks later I found out I actually was pregnant and had been that day. I immediately remembered my grandmother had mentioned how special it was to have 3 generations represented that day. So I called her and said, "Granny, do you remember how you noticed that we had 3 generations at Mass on Mother's Day? Well, we actually had 4"! Of course, she started her Granny laugh and said how special that was and how happy she was to hear this news. She always delighted in my children.

- She always sent a card for every birthday and it was always signed Love, G & G. I can't stand the thought of my next birthday without that card.

- Granny loved family and genealogy. She loved searching out our family roots and she loved old family pictures. I used to love looking at the old pictures she'd dig up - I had no idea who any of them were but I loved looking at them with her just the same.

- For about the past year I have felt that I didn't have a lot of time left with my Granny and Grandpa and told myself to go out to visit them regularly. Especially this summer I had planned to go out there a lot. I didn't. I am trying to deal with my anger and disappointment in myself for not doing this. I am a terrible grand-daughter.

- My Granny and Grandpa were going to celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary on the 15th of September. 65 years - can you imagine? I feel sick thinking of my grandfather spending that day without her here.

I'm going to stop now because I am about to start crying. I have a lot to do to be ready to go to the viewing tonight. Busy week coming up. I'm excited to get to see family though - especially my brother! I am depending on my Lord and His Word. I am depending on his Holy Mother and the comfort she gives us. But it's still very hard right now. And harder yet for my mom - I'll have to post about her later. She is a rock and I can only hope to be about half the person she is and was the past couple of weeks dealing with all of this.

I'd love prayers for my family right now - mostly for my grandfather and my mom and her siblings who are dealing with all of this.