Sunday, January 6, 2008

Becoming a Seeker...Updated with Video!

There were days when I was growing up that my brother and sister and I would be particularly needy and I'd hear my mom say that she was tired of hearing "Mommy" over and over again. When I became a parent and my daughter started saying Mommy, I remember thinking that I would NEVER tire of hearing that name called like my mom did.

I'm over it!

I hear it a lot these days. While I'm making breakfast, lunch and dinner..."Mommy" soon as I sit down to the computer..."Mommy"...the whole time I'm feeding the baby..."Mommy"...and most fun...while I'm going to the bathroom..."Mommy". Even the rare moments I get to lie down and take a nap usually end in..."Mommy".

Me Too has a particularly funny way of tracking me down. It starts as a sweet little sing song-y call that sounds kind of like...maaahhhmmmmyyy, arrrrrre yooooooo? She doesn't say the word "where" just "are you". When it takes more than a couple of times of singing sweetly and she can't find me, it turns ugly. Mommy...are you? - said very quickly and very demandingly. It's very cute and always makes me laugh.

There are those days when I'm particularly tired or grumpy that I cringe a little at hearing my still relatively new name...title rather, my name is still Stevie although it's hard to remember that sometimes! But for the most part I try to remember what an honor and a blessing it is to be called Mommy. Not everyone gets to be. And it's only natural and normal for my children at this point their life to seek me often. They are still very helpless in many ways and need my help to do a lot of things. But a lot of times they don't even need anything. They just want to find me. They still want my attention and company often - which I should enjoy before they are at the age where they are embarrassed by me and want me to drop them off down the block!

Lately God has been beating me over the head with messages about seeking Him. I wrote the other day about the homily on Jan. 1st and how Fr. J. implored us to seek out what God is doing in our lives each day. I've been doing the prayers on Sacred Space the past few days - great website by the way and a great way to get in a little God time when it's hard to otherwise - like at 5am this morning while I was feeding Campo! It has given me a couple of subtle messages about "seeking" God more. Then the homily today was about the wise men seeking God and how we should be seeking Him in everything, everyday. I started to freak out a little bit thinking that God was really trying to tell me something very important and I was missing it. I was thinking about how I really have been trying to have prayer time (as little as it is) but don't feel like I'm finding anything. I have prayed several times that God would open my eyes and my ears to what He has to show or tell me but I'm not seeing or hearing anything. Then it struck me that every message from God doesn't have to be some big important revelation. And I make trying to find Him a lot harder than it needs to be. I need to be more like my children when they are seeking me - constant, unceasing, loving and maybe even demanding like Me Too when she can't find me - not in a disrespectful way, but a way that implies urgency and importance. I need to try to find Him like my children try to find me - not for any big reason but just to be near Him. I can find Him everywhere if I just look - in my children, my husband, my chores, and my rest.

In the words of my daughter...God...are you? Oh, and excuse the nose picking at the beginning. It was the best outtake besides that so I decided just to go with it!

1 comment:

Debbie said...

With Thomas, nursing time was my prayer time. Oh, how I loved it. With Sam, not so much and oh, how I missed it. I'm still looking for my God Space. When you find His space, will you let me know where it is? :)