Third Time's A Charm...Right?

Not for me. I'm the world's worst newborn mommy. My babies are fussy, irritable, and awake all of the time. They require their parents to do cartwheels and circus tricks soothe them and even greater tricks to get them to sleep and that usually only lasts about 45 minutes at the most. And sleeping at night? Forget about it.

I thought Campo was going to break the mold. For the first 3 weeks he's been so sleepy, quiet and easy to soothe. Not anymore...apparently won't be my easy one. Or he will be but just in comparison to my other two...not in comparison to a truly easy baby. He's been showing signs of reflux which my other two had. Me Too had it the worst, poor baby. She suffered for a while too before we realized that the medicine we had her on wasn't working and put her on stronger medicine that worked like a charm. The doctor gave us some samples this time to have on hand in case we needed to start them before we could get a prescription. So, we started them yesterday. They take a few days to kick in. Hopefully they will work and I'll be able to make it that long! He also seems to have suddenly gotten a case of day/night confusion. I remember my other two starting out this way from the very start...not working their way up to it so I'm hoping it's related to the reflux and will clear up with the medicine. Anyway, I got very little sleep last night and am running on fumes right now. He's been sleeping all morning (much to my chagrin) and I'm just praying that I get a nap somehow this afternoon. It's not going to be pretty if I don't!

Before the baby came, I wrote about how in the past I haven't handled the newborn period very well and how I really want to do better this time. I also wrote yesterday about how I have been bombarded by messages from the Lord to seek Him and how I wanted to be more childlike in my pursuit of Him. I have been...and it's helping a lot today. I keep being tempted to freak out and worry obsessively about what the next few weeks will be like with a newborn up all hours of the night and two kids to take care of during the day. But...I keep getting all of these reassuring thoughts and reading blog posts that were written just for me. I've had a very peaceful and calm spirit today. Here are a few things that I've been thinking about or reading and I'm writing them out here as a reference guide to help me remember them...not to imply in any way that I do these things all of the time! I only wish!

*Remembering to live in the present. I learned a lot about this by reading Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons. She has a whole chapter dedicated to how important it is to live in the present.

God's will is manifested to us in the duties and experiences of the Present Moment. We have only to accept them and try to be like Jesus in them.

If I get wrapped up in thinking about what might happen tonight or over the next few nights, or how tired I will be if I don't get a nap, or how beaten I'll be if Campo keeps crying all the time, I'll get really depressed and start lashing out at those around me. If I live in the Present Moment, and serve God by serving Campo and his needs right now then maybe I won't be too overwhelmed.

*Die to self...this is so important as a parent. It's not about me anymore...it's about serving the Lord by serving these kids He has entrusted to my care. If I really am honest with myself I can see that the times that I'm impatient with my kids, annoyed by them or unhappy with my domestic life are usually because I am trying to be all about myself and what I want to do or not do at that time. If I step back and remember that this is my calling from God, my job, my ministry and my honor, I can keep a much better attitude. Amy from Epiphany Springs has a GREAT post about this in which she explains her Theme for the Year which is "I get to"...I get to serve the Lord by staying up all hours of the night to feed this baby He gave me to, among other things, nourish and comfort.

*Trust God more. Jen at Et Tu? has a great series of posts (and here and here) where she is realizing that anxiety in her life is caused by not trusting God enough. She has found that when she turns her anxiety over to Him, He shows her the way to work through it. This is what I've been trying to do all day. When I start to feel anxious, I pray and look at all of the great revelations He's given me today - in one day! A day in which my brain is so muddled...He's cleared it enough to think of all of these great nuggets which I'll be printing out and carrying around in front of my face constantly for when I lose my resolve or forget to do all of these things...and I will.

I'd love to hear stories about how you made it through the hard newborn weeks, and months. I'd also love hear stories about how your babies never slept, cried all the time, and wanted to be held constantly...and how you did indeed make it through alive so I can remember how short this time with him is and how much I'll actually miss him being this small!!

God's Will Revealed

I'm reading two spiritual books right now that keep saying the same thing - rather, they say lots of wonderful things, but I've been picking up on one recurring theme in both books. The books are He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S.J. which I've posted about once here and Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality which I posted about once here. Both books have a very similar message that jumps out at me time after time. Here's one way that Mother Angelica put it:

"What is God's Will for me?" Somebody asked me that not too long ago. Honey, if it's happening, it's God's Will; and you have to correspond to it in the Present Moment.

And Fr. Ciszek says:

His will for us was the twenty-four hours of each day: the people, the places, the circumstances, he set before us in that time.

That is just one example from each book - there were many to choose from. With that message coming across to me over and over...well, it's been making me nervous. I've known that the Lord has been preparing me for something I just wasn't sure what. I had my guesses - something to do with my pregnancy and my husbands' job (he's in the mortgage industry, not too stable right now) toping the list. Boy, was I way off base as an unexpected twist occurred in my life yesterday and today. Let me explain...

I work at a local preschool - at a Baptist church no less - yikes! LOL. Actually, there are more families from our church than from the Baptist church and I currently work with 3 other ladies from my church and several other Catholics! I digress. Anyway, I started last school year and worked with a woman who is in her 24th year of teaching there! That means I was 10 years old when she started teaching...at this church anyway. So, needless to say, she's a little set in her ways and knows what she's doing. I'm there mainly to help out by setting out snacks, setting out lunches or packing up backpacks. That kind of stuff. I didn't really get to do any of the planning and certainly not any of the actual teaching but it was really no biggie as it was my first time ever doing anything like this and teaching was completely off my radar as something I would ever do...long story how I got there but totally a God thing. About half way through the year I had started thinking I was ready to branch out and have my own class this year...until I found out I was pregnant and proceeded to be so extremely sick. When I had my end of the year conference with the director, I told her to please leave me where I was so I could take it easy during the last part of my pregnancy.

Right before the summer session started they called and said they were short staffed and really needed me to take a class for the summer. I said I thought I could handle it for a few months and was excited about the opportunity to see what I could do, despite the fact that I was still really sick. I ended up getting a class full of extremely strong wills and a helper didn't quite grasp the concept that even though it was summer, it was still school and there were still things we needed to be teaching these kids like staying on their nap mats during nap time instead of playing which I'd find them all doing if I dared to step out of the room for even a second. So, it was a long, stressful, hot, nauseas summer and I couldn't wait for it to end! Oh yeah, and I would come home every day with horrible back spasms due to the highly physical nature of working with 3 year olds!

Fast forward to yesterday, the first day of school. I could finally take it easy! That lasted until about noon when I went down the hall to get something from the resource room. I came back in to find my co-teacher sitting on the floor with her legs out in front of her. I should have been alarmed at that point as she never sits on the floor but for some reason it didn't hit me. Then the kids all started yelling out, "She fell, she fell. She's hurt." So I rushed over to her and she said that she couldn't move. She called her husband as I ran to get the director. She kept saying that she thought it was just a pulled muscle but something told me right away it was going to be a broken hip...which is what it turned out to be. She's having surgery this afternoon - please pray for her and her husband, surgeons, etc. Pray that her pain be minimized and her recovery as swift as possible. Luckily she's in great physical shape and health. I'm always telling stories about how healthy she eats (she even washes her bananas before she peels them and eats the insides!). Last year she was on the floor doing the crab walk with the kids! I didn't even attempt that.

Please pray for me...that I accept this as God's will for me right now. Please pray that I can handle the physical pain and offer it up without complaint. I will think constantly of Fr. Ciszek working from morning to night in a Siberian labor camp for 15 years and know that I can handle working a few hours a day for a few more months until the baby comes! And please pray that I can handle the class and the planning without getting too stressed out.

So, I know that this circumstance, which is not how I would choose to have things go, is God's will for me right now. I can't say that I understand why but understanding the why is not always our job. Our job is to accept the challenges that God puts before us, to offer up the suffering he gives us, and to do our best each and every day to honor and obey Him. Sounds great - huh? Easy to type in a blog...hard to do in real life!

Absolute Freedom

This is something I read in my wonderful new book which was a birthday present from my mom. It is Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality. It is a compilation of teachings by Mother Angelica and it is fabulous. I recommend it to everyone! I read this particular section to my women's prayer group this past weekend and it really fit our discussion of the morning. I just thought I'd share it here as well.

Absolute Freedom

The thing that confuses us so much is that we are constantly thinking about ourselves: What am I going to do for the world? What am I going to do for my neighbor? You've got the wrong question.

The question is: What is God going to do through you? That's the question. How much are you going to let Him do? When you begin to ask the right questions you will get the right answers. You are nothing; and until you come to that realization, you will stumble and crawl through all of life. There is absolute freedom in the thought that you are nothing. Only then are you free to be used by God for His ends, the ends for which you have been created.

I love this! I always stress out about not doing enough. I spend many hours worrying about what it is I'm "supposed" to be doing. This does give me absolute freedom - freedom from stressing about this. Now I just tell God everyday to do whatever He wants to through me and just let Him take it from there! It is wonderful.

Expect to hear more from me about this book. It is amazing!