I Thought I Was Soooooo Smart!!!

Last night was going to be the night...the night I conquered the going to bed battle with my brilliant mommy skills! I explained to the girls that when I put them down to bed that evening, they would get to play quietly for a little while. They could read, talk, giggle even as long as it was relatively quiet and there was no running around. At a certain time, I would come in and tell them it was Shut Off Time and this meant complete quiet and go to sleep. I could even ask Big Bear what Shut Off Time meant and she would answer very seriously, "Time to go to sleep". Great! It was going to work! So, we put them down after their usual routine. They talked and giggled and read books but they didn't stay in bed or quiet. Okay, no biggie. I could handle that on the first night of this new routine.

Next came the part that just filled my heart with pride at the brilliant plan that I got from a friend. Not only was this plan going to assist my children in falling beautifully off to sleep but at the same time I would be teaching them their Catholic faith and bringing them to the foot of the cross through our Holy Mother. At Shut Off Time, I walked in, took up books, patted backs and sat down in the rocking chair with my rosary. Instead of praying it quietly to myself, I began to pray it softly and rhythmically out loud! Brilliant - huh? Not only was I lulling them off to sleep, but I was teaching them the beauty of the rosary! Big Bear even prayed the first decade with me and then got quiet. Me Too was very still. "It's working" I think to myself and mentally pat myself on the back for being such a great mommy! Until about the 4th decade when Me Too started wiggling around and Big Bear started whining about something or other and squirming. Disappointment was followed by pure frustration and that very familiar combination of feeling like a failure and dread that this is how my life will go forever and ever and nothing will ever change - waaaaa!!!!

Once I finished the Rosary and patted backs (not my own this time!) some more, I quietly slipped out when they got still and quiet again, leaving the door open so no one would be tempted to get up and run around or start jumping in the crib. Doug and I started doing some work we needed to get done. We had to go in a couple of more times but pretty quickly it got still and quiet and stayed that way for a while. We thought they had gone off to sleep until about 10:30 when I was on my way to bed and heard music. It kind of freaked me out because Doug was out in the garage. I quickly realized that Big Bear was scurrying back from the CD player where she had turned on some piano music. Me Too was rolling around. I could have cried. I think that Me Too had been asleep and woke up when Big Bear turned the music on.

So besides my sin of pride, I don't know what went wrong with my brilliant plan. Tonight I am going to be out and so we're trying a new plan. Putting them to bed, closing the door, and just not worrying about it. We decided that we've tried everything else - sitting with them, leaving them alone, scolding them, taking things away from them, putting one down after the other was asleep (the asleep one woke up so they could start playing!). The only thing we haven't tried is doing nothing. So that's what we'll do tonight...nothing. We'll see!!

Daily Rosary

So lately I've been praying the rosary daily! Aren't I good, pious and holy? Oh, well, not really. I usually am not self disciplined enough to actually set aside time from my busy schedule of tv watching, blog and message board reading, and just generally wasting time to pray the rosary daily - no matter how many times I think about doing it. But, these days, my dear little ones are leading me closer to our Mother Mary. How are they doing this? Well, by being little terrors...that's how!

You see, we moved them into a room together a week ago. I knew it was going to be a tough transition and that it would take some time for them to get used to sleeping in the same room. I knew that they wouldn't drift right off to sleep at first and that there would be some playing around for a while. But...I didn't think there would be as much playing, running and jumping as there is or that it would last as late every night as it does. I didn't think we'd have to do as much scolding, bribing and taking away of toys and other pleasures as we have found ourselves doing. I didn't think I'd have such grumpy little girls on my hands each day. It breaks my heart to see Me Too acting ready for a nap at 10am every day and dark circles under her little sweet eyes.

So every day it seems, Doug and I reassess what we're doing, how we're going about this and what to do next. We solicit advice from friends and family. Doug asks coworkers and I go to almost strangers on my message boards. No matter how we start out, every night ends up with me sitting in their room. Since it's dark and I'm usually frustrated and feeling like there is never going to be an end to this transition period, I spend the time praying the rosary (and begging Mary to help me be a better mom!).

It's actually been really nice. I've always been frustrated while praying the rosary because I would struggle with praying the prayers and meditating on the mystery at the same time. That's a lot for my feeble mind to handle. But it seems like that is getting a little easier each time I do it. I also sometimes feel like I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to think about when I meditate on the mysteries but the more I do it, it seems like I am coming up with different things to think about. Or like tonight, I realized that my favorite mystery is the Visitation. I think about how I would like to recognize Jesus every time I come face to face with Him in others. Until I have that conquered, I don't think I want to meditate on anything else for that particular mystery.

So, while I'm really, really, really ready for the time to come when I don't have to sit in the girls' room for them to finally get quiet and drop off to sleep, I sure hope I will be addicted enough to praying the rosary each day to keep it up. I have just never stuck with it long enough to see the results...I think I always gave up to soon!