Monday, August 20, 2007

A New Soul Bears Her Soul

I have a confession to make - I am not living up to my blogging potential. I create posts to my blog all day long in my head. Something funny will happen and I'll come up with the most witty and entertaining little blurb about it. Or, something bad will happen and I'll come up with a whole entry in which I tell about my problem and then I think about how tons of people will respond and help me out. But as you can tell from the frequency of my writing, these wonderful posts usually don't see the light of the monitor. One of two things happens. Often, by the time I can get around to posting, I have forgotten what happened or the incident I thought was so funny at the time doesn't seem quite as entertaining later. Just as's because I start reading other blogs and realize that everyone else I'm reading has their act together and would think I'm an idiot if I posted half of the things I think about posting.

You see, oh wise reader, most of the blogs I read are written by people who know what they are doing and have wonderful information, wisdom, insights or knowledge to pass on to readers like me who can't get enough! I don't have any of these things so I wait until the rare moment that I do and then I post...and you can see that doesn't happen very often.

As a Catholic, I don't believe in reincarnation BUT...I totally get the whole concept of the new and old soul. I am about as new a soul as they come. I have definitely never been here before. I am a clueless human being...and an even more clueless mommy. I remember the first time I was looking into my daughter's eyes right after she was born. I can vividly recall the panic that I felt as I realized that she knew that I had no idea what I was doing. And then she burst into tears and didn't stop (seriously, she didn't stop crying for about 3 months) and in the recovery room I told my husband that she felt like she got a raw deal by getting a mom who did not have a clue. I thought the second kiddo would be much better. She would feel much more confident in my abilities since I'd already done the newborn thing once before. I guess that wasn't the case because she didn't stop crying for 4 months! While I'm praying for #3 to be my easy baby (I keep hearing that everyone has at least 1), I am also clearing my calendar for about 5-6 months following his birth.

I'm not saying any of this to have a pity party...I'm just trying a new thing...being honest and who I am. new approach to my blog is to forget about my feeling of inadequacy in regards to the other mommy blogs that I read. I am just going to post what is going on...and if that means that the world realizes that I'm dog paddling through be it!! Maybe there are others like me out there who feel the same way. Or maybe I'll make other people feel better that their life is in relatively good shape compared to the mess that I create from day to day. And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually get some good help from time to time as to how to handle the messes that I make!! Who knows!


Julie D. said...

Aha! It was when I just began posting what I thought and stopped trying to be so "together" that my blogging seemed to be speaking to others. The clue is that we are all clueless and just being ourselves. Welcome to my clueless world! :-)

Laura H. said...

It's a good resolution, Stevie. We want to hear what you have to say, even if you feel it inadequate. I'd say Julie's words were true in my case.. unfortunately, I never really got around to doing what you have resolved to do. Good for you, though. I pray you follow through. :)