Sunday, April 29, 2007

My Relaxing (not) Weekend Alone

The girls and their dad went to visit my in laws this weekend who live about 2 hours west of Dallas. Doug was meeting up with some guys from church to play golf out there. I stayed behind. It was supposed to be a nice relaxing weekend but as it grew nearer, I quickly realized it was going to be a weekend of work! One of my jobs is working for my church as the Safety Officer. The Diocese has set in place an program to clear volunteers to work in our parishes. This clearance includes personal references, interviews, training and background checks on each person. That's what I do. It's that time of year when we have our annual audit. Someone comes out to make sure each step is being followed on each person we are clearing. It's also the time of year when the 1400 cleared volunteers at our parish are supposed to do their annual training so the certificates are coming in fast and furious and I have to get them all entered and in the files before the auditor comes on Tuesday - yikes! I also have to print new ID badges for each of these people to be passed out after all of the masses next weekend. Only about 500 of that 1400 has actually done their training so it is making badge printing slightly easier. So...that is what I've spent my nice relaxing alone weekend doing. Luckily, the badges can be done at home. I went and rented some movies last night and sat and watched one and would have to hit pause and run back and forth setting up the badge printer to do another 20 or so at a time.

I have to admit that I've had a really bad attitude about having to do all that I'm doing this weekend. I never get time alone. I'm always working. I was really needing this weekend of solitude, relaxation and time to myself. Plus, this is a job that I'm trying to leave. I gave my notice a couple of months ago...but I'm still here! You know how when you decide to leave a job, and you give your notice but you still have 2 weeks or so, that 2 weeks is the longest, slowest two weeks ever because you are mentally outta there? That is how I am, except my two weeks really has dragged on, and on, and on. So, it was with this attitude that I am printing badges last night when the badge printer broke...with about 300 left to do.

Boy...I let God have it. Why do I have to be working anyway? Why don't I ever get time alone? Why am I always, always working? Even when I'm supposed to have time off, I'm working. I work in the evening, the weekends, the mornings and the afternoons. If it's not one job, it's the other job or the kids or the house or whatever. I'm tired Lord! I need a break. Enough is enough!!!

Then I felt guilty of course. So I went to bed and had a horrible night of sleep. Worrying about how I was going to get the badges done. Worry about the audit. Wondering if I'll ever get to have time with my kids instead of being at work all the time. And of course, I'm always nervous sleeping alone in my house. I'm just not used to that.

So I woke up this morning grumpy and tired. I went to mass yesterday afternoon so that I could have a nice relaxing morning. I did get to sleep in so that is good. I ate breakfast and hooked up the badge printer...praying that it was just tired last night and hoping it had a better night's rest than I did. Apparently it did because it is humming along right now as I type.

I sat down and started reading some blogs. Reading blogs is always a good way to get convicted when things are not right in your my attitude right now. For example, Young Fogeys pointed out how Ananias in Friday's first reading did what God asked of him even though what he asked of him was to go and lay hands on a man who was known for killing Christians! I think that is a little harder than what God is asking me to do - print badges! Then I read A Catholic Mother's Thoughts post about a prayer that she remembered, ""Oh Lord, incline my heart to do your will" except she added, "even when, and especially when, I am not so inclined." to the end of that prayer. I think that will be my mantra for today.

I am obviously still at this job (all of my jobs for that matter) because that is where God wants me. Every decision I've made about what job to take or leave has been done very prayerfully and I've left it all in His hands...the timing of when we find someone else to replace me, which job to do, where to go with my life. Obviously, I am still supposed to be here for one reason or another. Maybe it's to get through this busy time - I really wouldn't have time to train someone else right now. Maybe it's financial - in the summer I'll only teach 2 days a week and it won't really be enough money so maybe God is keeping me here through the summer so we don't get behind. Who knows...well, God knows and that should be all that matters.

UPDATE: The printer stopped working again...waaaaa!!! I gave the problem over to my boss (dad!) and am letting him try to work with it.


Laura H. said...

Oh, Stevie. It's tough when you feel like you never do anything but work. I totally sympathize. Know that every hour you work you are helping so many people. I know it's hard to remember that (believe me! I do!) but if you can, it will help. It helps me at the end of a long day (12 hours is a lot on a body that hasn't had much rest) to know that the people I am serving have probably had long days too and sometimes my smile can lessen their load. Your kindness and gentleness and pleasant attitude can help them have a good day and in the same way, helps you to feel better too.

Do I sound preachy right now? I don't mean to. I preach to myself sometimes through my comments to other people. Maybe this is what I needed to here right now?

God's will be done.

Stevie said...

Not preachy at all!! Just what I need to remember! I am trying to offer up my work but sometimes it's hard to do that instead of complaining!

Laura H. said...

The badges are beautiful, Stevie. :) I still don't have mine but I saw them. (I went to the 7:30 pm Mass and wasn't too sure they still had them out to pick up.) Thanks for all of your hard work!